SANTALAND — The inspection room was at capacity. Elves occupied all available floor space and were observed interfering with this correspondent's bag and coat pockets. When asked its name, one elf identified itself as Nina and disclosed, unprompted, that it was originally from Italy. It explained that seasonal staff from overseas undergo a transformation on arrival and again on departure. It described itself as "100% elf" and appeared to find this clarification amusing.
The subject was located in the grotto, seated at a table. He was consuming what appeared to be a large bone. On noticing this correspondent's arrival he discarded the bone into an existing pile in the corner. Three elves then closed a heavy door marked VHO. The subject did not acknowledge the door.
He extended a hand and requested this correspondent's offering form. An elf intervened and whispered something inaudible. The subject's expression changed briefly. He then stated that this correspondent was present to discuss Christmas wishes and indicated his knee.
This correspondent explained the purpose of the visit. The subject said "Hohoho." The room vibrated. This correspondent sat on the knee as directed.
What followed is difficult to characterise in standard reporting format. This correspondent became briefly convinced she was a child. Several memories surfaced without invitation. The subject asked whether this correspondent had been good. This correspondent was unable to confirm that she had. Full disclosure followed. The subject listened without interrupting, which was worse.
He held eye contact for an extended period. He then indicated that there remained sufficient time before Christmas for the situation to be partially remedied, assigned a penance of ten repetitions of Jingle Bells and five of Deck the Halls, and declared the matter closed.
This correspondent was outside before the conversation had formally concluded. No interview questions were asked. No comment was obtained.
The Press Liaison Office has been notified. A follow-up visit is not planned. The bone pile is estimated, from memory, to contain between twelve and seventeen bones. Their origin was not established.
Submitted by staff correspondent S. Ilvonen. Filed under Form IJ-3 (Journalist Field Incident Declaration). Editorial note: no interview material was obtained.
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